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A free, comprehensive Massachusetts resource for parents of LGBTQ+ kids. Whatever you're feeling right now, whatever your kid just told you, whatever you wish you'd known sooner. We've got you, and your kid.
This page is long on purpose. You can jump to what you need.
Crisis warning signs and who to call. Jump to crisis support.
First 24-48 hours guidance. Jump to right-now steps.
Plain-English LGBTQ+ terms. Jump to the language guide.
50 research-backed supportive behaviors. Jump to the list.
Pronouns, names, clothes, friends, daily life. Jump to at-home checklists.
PFLAG, Network parent support, online communities. Jump to find your people.
LGBTQ+ young people face higher suicide risk than other young people. The single biggest protective factor researchers have ever found is family acceptance. You are reading this page, which means you are already part of that protection. Here is what to do if you're worried right now.
Any of these means call a crisis line. Talking about wanting to die, even casually. Talking about being a burden. Looking for ways to hurt themselves (Googling methods, asking about pills). Withdrawing from friends or activities they loved. Sudden mood changes, especially calm after a depression. Saying goodbye in unusual ways or giving away possessions. Hopelessness. Increased substance use. Talking about feeling trapped or unbearable pain.
Who answers: a trained crisis counselor focused on LGBTQ+ young people. They will also talk to YOU about how to help your kid.
Phone (24/7): 1-866-488-7386
Text (24/7): START to 678678
Chat (24/7): thetrevorproject.org/get-help
Best for: parents of LGBTQ+ youth in crisis OR parents who need to talk to someone right now about what they're seeing.
Who answers: a trained crisis clinician based in MA. They can dispatch a mobile crisis team to your home.
Phone or text: 833-773-2445
Hours: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Insurance: not required.
Best for: when you need someone clinical to come to you and your kid in person.
Who answers: a clinician who can come to your home.
New Bedford and Fall River: 833-922-0111
Taunton and Attleboro: 800-660-4300 or 508-285-9400
Hours: 24/7
Best for: when calling 911 feels like it would escalate things and you need a face-to-face clinical response.
General crisis counselor. Phone, text, or chat: 988. 24/7.
Note: The dedicated LGBTQ+ youth specialty (the Press 3 option) was ended by the federal government on July 17, 2025. For LGBTQ+ youth-specific support, Trevor Project is the better call.
If your kid is in immediate medical danger (active overdose, severe self-injury, weapon involved), call 911. Mobile crisis above can't always arrive fast enough for active emergencies. After the immediate danger is past, follow up with a mental health provider within 24 hours.
You're not overreacting. If something feels wrong, call. The lines above are for you as much as for your kid. The Network is here too: (774) 775-2656 (Eileen), eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org.
This moment matters more than almost any other. Your kid trusted you enough to tell you. How you respond in the next minutes, hours, days will shape how they see themselves for years. Good news: you don't have to be perfect. You have to be present, and you have to be safe.
Say these things in your own voice: Thank you for telling me. I love you. That doesn't change. I'm here.
Don't say (even if you're thinking it): Are you sure? How do you know? It might be a phase. Don't tell anyone yet. This is going to be hard for everyone.
Do: listen more than you talk. Make eye contact if your kid wants it. Hug them if they ask or signal it.
Don't: cry in front of them (cry later, with another adult). Apologize repeatedly. Start researching out loud on your phone. Call your spouse from the other room before you're done listening.
Do: tell them again, I love you, that doesn't change, more than once. Ask one open question, Is there anything you want me to do right now or just listen? Respect their privacy. This is their news. Find one trusted adult to talk to about your own reaction (therapist, PFLAG helpline 866-427-3524, your friend).
Don't: schedule a therapist for them without asking. Buy a stack of LGBTQ+ books and leave them on their bed. Try to understand it all tonight. Tell yourself you have to have answers.
Do: use their name and pronouns if they shared them. If they didn't, ask: What pronouns do you want me to use? Practice when they're not around (drive in the car saying them out loud, it gets easier). Read one resource on this page. Set up a regular low-pressure check-in: walks, drives, doing dishes together.
Don't: start a family conversation about their identity without their permission. Make this the topic at every meal. Compare them to other LGBTQ+ people you know. Tell them you're trying really hard (kids hear this as you're a burden).
Do: find a parent support group (Greater Boston PFLAG 866-427-3524 or Eileen at the Network). Read Our Trans Loved Ones or Our Children from PFLAG (free at pflag.org). Notice your own reactions and talk them through with a non-family adult. Tell one safe adult in your kid's life if your kid agrees.
Don't: tell yourself you should be over it. Push your kid to come out to anyone else. Start an immediate medical or social transition plan without your kid driving it. Compare your reaction to other parents' (this is your timeline).
You're going to do some things wrong. That's normal. Repair matters more than getting it right the first time. When you mess up (use the wrong pronoun, say a thing that lands badly), just say: I'm sorry. I'll keep working on it. Then keep going.
You don't have to memorize a glossary. You need just enough to follow your kid and not embarrass yourself or them. Here are the terms parents most need to understand.
Gay: attracted to the same gender (often used by men, but anyone can use it).
Lesbian: woman attracted to women.
Bisexual (bi): attracted to more than one gender.
Pansexual (pan): attracted to people regardless of gender.
Asexual (ace): does not experience sexual attraction or experiences it rarely. Asexual people can still want relationships.
Queer: an umbrella term, can mean LGBTQ+ generally or a specific identity. Some older folks find it harmful (it was a slur). Many young people have reclaimed it.
Cisgender (cis): your gender matches what the doctor said when you were born.
Transgender (trans): your gender does not match what the doctor said when you were born.
Nonbinary: your gender is not strictly male or female. Many nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. Some use other pronouns.
Genderfluid: your gender shifts over time.
Gender expression is HOW you present (clothes, hair, voice). It is separate from gender identity. A woman in a suit is still a woman. A trans man with long hair is still a man.
She/her/hers: traditionally female.
He/him/his: traditionally male.
They/them/theirs: can be singular (the person at the door, they left their keys). Used by many nonbinary people. Has been singular in English since the 1300s.
Neopronouns: ze/zir, xe/xem, others. Less common but real.
How to use they/them for one person: Alex is here. They brought a friend. They said their friend can stay. It feels awkward at first. It stops feeling awkward.
Out to [some people]: those people know my identity.
Closeted to [other people]: those people don't know yet, please don't out me.
Coming out: telling someone about your identity. Many LGBTQ+ people come out many times throughout their lives.
Outing someone: revealing their identity without permission. Don't do this.
Deadname: a trans person's name from before they came out. Don't use it. Don't share old photos labeled with it.
Misgender: using the wrong pronouns or terms. Apologize briefly and correct yourself, don't dwell.
If you want to go deeper: the PFLAG glossary at pflag.org is the most thorough plain-English resource. The Network can also recommend specific reading for your kid's particular identity. Email eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org.
The Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University spent over a decade studying which specific parent behaviors actually protect LGBTQ+ kids. They identified 100+ supportive behaviors. The research is clear: family acceptance protects against depression, substance use, and suicide. Family rejection during adolescence increases all three. Here are 50 actionable ones, organized so you can start anywhere. Every item is a 'do' statement. You are building toward, not away from.
1. Listen to your kid talk about LGBTQ+ life without interrupting.
2. Ask open questions instead of yes/no.
3. Believe them the first time they tell you who they are.
4. Sit with their feelings without trying to fix them.
5. Let them lead conversations about their identity.
6. Notice when they're trying to tell you something indirectly.
7. Make space for silence. Some kids need it.
8. Repeat back what you heard.
9. Acknowledge when you don't understand and stay open.
10. Thank them when they share something hard.
11. Use their chosen name.
12. Use their pronouns.
13. Practice both out loud when they're not around.
14. Apologize briefly when you mess up and move on.
15. Don't share their old name or old photos labeled with it.
16. Don't out them to anyone without permission.
17. Refer to their partner respectfully (your girlfriend, your partner).
18. Use inclusive language at home (kids instead of boys and girls).
19. Don't make jokes at the expense of LGBTQ+ people, including jokes you used to make.
20. Speak up when others use harmful language in your presence.
21. Put up a pride flag or symbol somewhere visible at home.
22. Display photos that include their LGBTQ+ identity if they have one.
23. Tell extended family you support your kid (with kid's permission).
24. Bring them to a Pride event if they want to go.
25. Wear a button or shirt that signals your support.
26. Speak up when other adults question their identity.
27. Get to know their LGBTQ+ friends as you would any of their friends.
28. Welcome their partner the same as any partner.
29. Include them in family events as their full self.
30. Don't ask them to tone it down for relatives.
31. Help them find affirming healthcare.
32. Help them with name change paperwork if they want it.
33. Help them set up new email and social accounts in their new name.
34. Buy them clothing that matches their gender expression if they want.
35. Help them style their hair as they want.
36. Pay for or help find affirming therapy if they want it.
37. Help them practice talking to a teacher or boss about their identity.
38. Show up to school meetings about LGBTQ+ issues.
39. Find them a mentor (older LGBTQ+ person in your community).
40. Help them save for the future they want, not the one you expected.
41. Find an affirming faith community if faith matters to your family.
42. Find a parent support group for yourself.
43. Subscribe to one LGBTQ+ family newsletter.
44. Read one LGBTQ+ family book per year.
45. Volunteer or donate to an LGBTQ+ organization.
46. Vote for politicians who support LGBTQ+ rights.
47. Speak up at PTO or school board meetings when LGBTQ+ kids are under attack.
48. Welcome your kid's LGBTQ+ chosen family into your home.
49. Talk about LGBTQ+ historical figures and events with your kid.
50. Show your kid that you're still learning, too.
You don't have to do all 50. Pick three. Do them this month. Pick three more next month. The research is clear: the parents whose kids do best are the parents who keep showing up, not the parents who get it perfect. You're already showing up. Keep going.
This section is the practical day-to-day. Most parents want a checklist. Here it is.
Do: use new pronouns and name immediately, even when you mess up. Correct yourself briefly (she, I mean they) and keep going. Practice in the car, in the shower, while doing dishes.
Don't: use old name just this once with grandma. Use old photos with old name labels. Apologize for 10 minutes when you mess up.
If you have other kids: they will follow your lead. Tell them you are using the new name and pronouns. Don't ask them to keep secrets.
Do: let your kid wear what they want. Take them shopping for clothes that match their identity. Help them style or cut their hair as they want. Pay for binders, bras, or other gender-affirming items they ask for (binders specifically: get one fitted by a community resource, cheap ones can cause injury).
Don't: force them to dress for family events in a way that doesn't match their identity. Comment on their body or weight when they're trying new styles. Make them justify their style to relatives.
Do: let them redecorate. Let them put up a pride flag, a poster, anything affirming. Replace photos of them in their old name/identity with new ones if they want. Knock before entering (this matters at every age, but especially now).
Don't: use their room as a place to fix them. Remove items while they're not there. Frame redecorating as a problem.
Do: welcome their LGBTQ+ friends like any other friends. Let them have alone time with friends. Welcome their partners with the same rules as any other partner. Use partners' pronouns and names correctly. Talk to them about consent and safe relationships as you would with any kid.
Don't: vet friends for LGBTQ+ influence. Interrogate their friends about their identities. Treat their partner as a project or experiment. Out them or their friends to other parents.
Do: keep the routines they want (Sunday dinner, holidays). Adjust ones that don't fit anymore (gendered traditions can shift). Include their full self in family photos and stories. Talk about their future the way you talk about your other kids' futures (college, career, partner) without assuming a specific shape.
Don't: drop traditions they want to keep. Make every family conversation about their identity. Assume their future excludes things you imagined (kids, marriage).
At-home stuff is mostly small, repeated, daily things. It's also where your kid will feel safest or most exhausted. The Network can recommend specific resources for any of these (clothing exchanges, affirming hair stylists, room re-do tips). Email eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org.
Massachusetts law has protected LGBTQ+ students since 2012. Your kid has the right to their name, pronouns, restroom and locker room access, athletic participation, and privacy. Full advocacy guide coming June 29, 2026. In the meantime: Mass Safe Schools Program 617-721-5555, GLAD Law Answers 800-455-4523 (free legal infoline for school discrimination), GLSEN model policies at glsen.org. The Network can come to a school meeting with you. Call (774) 775-2656.
Massachusetts has strong gender-affirming healthcare. MassHealth covers it. Full guide for parents coming June 29, 2026. For under-19 hormone and puberty-blocker care: Boston Children's Hospital GeMS (ages 3-25) 617-355-4367. For adult care: Fenway Health 617-927-6202 (Fenway paused under-19 hormones and blockers in October 2025) or Mass General Transgender Health Program 617-726-3525. Trans Services page has the full provider list at /programs/trans-services. Network can help you navigate insurance and find providers. Email eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org.
Name changes, gender markers on ID, custody concerns when a co-parent doesn't agree, adoption and birth certificate updates. Full parent-specific guide coming July 6, 2026. Right now: GLAD Law Answers free legal infoline 800-455-4523. Trans Services page has the MA name and gender marker change walkthrough (CJP 27 court form, RMV M/F/X, SSA, MassHealth). The Network can sit with you through the paperwork.
Finding affirming faith communities on the SouthCoast. Navigating non-affirming relatives. Holidays. When to limit contact. Reconciling personal faith with parenting an LGBTQ+ kid. Full guide coming July 6, 2026. In the meantime: the Network keeps a working list of SouthCoast affirming congregations. Email Eileen for the current list at eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org.
Almost every parent of an LGBTQ+ kid we've ever talked to says the same thing: I wish I'd found other parents sooner. Here's where to find them.
Trained parent and family volunteer who has been through what you're going through. They listen, answer questions, point you to resources. Confidential.
Phone: 866-427-3524
Web: gbpflag.org
Monthly groups, some on Zoom, some in person. Many for parents and caregivers specifically.
Affinity groups: BIPOC Caregivers, Transfeminine/Nonbinary parents, Mom's Coffee Hour, 10 & Under/Littles, Tween+, Grandparents, JCC group.
Closest in-person to SouthCoast: South Shore/Duxbury. Others in Andover, Concord, Easton, Framingham, MetroWest.
Web: gbpflag.org/support-groups
Eileen takes calls from parents one-on-one. Confidential, free, no pressure. She listens, answers questions, connects you to other Network families a few steps ahead of where you are.
Phone: (774) 775-2656
Email: eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org
Best for: SouthCoast parents who want to start with a single conversation rather than a group setting. Or who can't make scheduled meetings work.
PFLAG runs online discussion groups and Q&A. Free download of Our Trans Loved Ones and Our Children guides.
Web: pflag.org/find-resources
National online communities, parent education, ally training. Based in Michigan, serves families everywhere.
Web: standwithtrans.org
Many parent support groups skew toward moms. Dads sometimes feel out of place. PFLAG chapters often have dad-specific subgroups. Email the GBPFLAG helpline at 866-427-3524 to be connected to a dad mentor.
The first call or first meeting is the hardest. After that, you have people. Email eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org if you want a warm introduction to a Network parent who has been through it.
Your own grief, fear, anger: it's normal, it doesn't make you a bad parent. When to find your own therapist. How to talk to your partner if you're on different pages. Self-care that actually works. Full guide coming July 6, 2026. In the meantime: find a parent peer at the GBPFLAG helpline 866-427-3524 or email Eileen at the Network for a one-on-one call.
Divorced or separated co-parents who disagree. Religious in-laws and grandparents. Single parents with no extended family buy-in. BIPOC families and immigrant families navigating layered cultural dynamics. Foster and adoptive families. Families with multiple LGBTQ+ kids. When your kid is also neurodivergent. Full guide coming July 13, 2026. For urgent help today: GLAD Law Answers (custody questions) 800-455-4523, the Network's Eileen for navigation support.
Preschool (3-5): when very young kids express identity early. Elementary (6-10): peer dynamics, social transition, school. Middle school (11-13): puberty, dysphoria, peer pressure. High school (14-17): dating, mental health, college planning. Young adult (18-24): launching, college, first jobs, ongoing relationship with parents. Age-specific guidance coming July 13, 2026. For now: Boston Children's GeMS works with families across this whole range, 617-355-4367.
Side-by-side language guide for adults. Phrases to use, phrases to avoid. How to respond to hostile questions in public. How to write a holiday letter that includes your LGBTQ+ kid affirmingly. What to say when someone uses the wrong pronouns in front of your kid. Full language guide coming July 13, 2026. The Network's free Words That Help vs Words That Harm poster (coming June 2026) summarizes the essentials.
Most of this page points outward to specific resources. The Network is the throughline. We are here for the parents in our community, not just the kids.
One-on-one calls with Eileen. Confidential, free, no pressure.
Walking you through any of the above sections. Pick a section. We will help you find the right next step.
Connecting you to other Network parents. Warm introductions to families a few steps ahead of you.
Going with you to a school meeting if you're advocating for your kid and want backup.
Recommending therapists, doctors, lawyers from our growing trust network.
Phone: (774) 775-2656 (Eileen)
Email: eileen@sclgbtqnetwork.org
Locations: community spaces in New Bedford, Fall River, and Taunton.
Free: all Network services are free of charge to any LGBTQ+ or allied person who needs us.
Tell us what's missing. Email Eileen with specific things you wish were on this page.
Refer another parent. They can just call us for themselves.
Donate to keep our services free: sclgbtqnetwork.org/donate
Volunteer. Affirming parents who've been through it make the best peer supporters.
You're going to be okay. Your kid is going to be okay. The research is clear: families that show up are the families whose kids thrive. You showed up to this page. That's already the work. Keep going. We're here.