Chosen Family on the South Coast: How Queer Community Fills the Gaps

     The South Coast of Massachusetts is known for its deep historical roots, traditions of hard work, cultural traditions from around the world, and being on the cutting edge of what’s going on in the country. For LGBTQ+ people, the South Coast is more welcoming than many others, with much more work to be done. Many organizations and establishments around the South Coast offer a safe place to meet and come together as a community. This is important because it offers people in the LBGTQ+ community and beyond something that can make all the difference in someone’s life: chosen family.

     Chosen family is the family that we build (either intentionally or unintentionally) when for whatever reason, biological or legal family falls short. These reasons can range from death to divorce, but for LGBTQ+ people, that shortfall is often the result of rejection; chosen family is the patchwork community we build to find acceptance and love. These are often much needed lifelines, and they are often crucial.

     Chosen family is incredibly important to the LGBTQ+ community, especially LGBTQ+ youth. According to the Pew Research Center, 39% of queer adults have faced rejection from their biological families (a staggering statistic, https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/06/13/a-survey-of-lgbt-americans/), and as much as 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+ (https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/serving-our-youth-lgbtq/). Chosen family can provide crucial support when there is nowhere else to turn, and can often be the difference between life and death. Chosen family is so important because it provides LGBTQ+ people and others in need with the unconditional support we all need, for some it’s everything.

     Today the less and less friendly political landscape we encounter each day outlines the importance of chosen family not just for LGBTQ+ people across the South Coast, but other marginalized communities. Undocumented people have always been a large and contributing part of our community, and today, many are afraid to come out of their houses (if they even have their own) due to the federal government crackdown on immigration. Increasingly, these folks rely on family, friends, and the kindness of the community for the essentials they need to survive. 

     That is the part of chosen family that is often overlooked. Without it, many would not survive. Providing a couch, a meal, or simply a safe space can absolutely be the difference between life and death, but it goes so much farther beyond that. 

     Many people wake up every day, get dressed and face the world without really thinking about it because throughout their life, they were loved and given acceptance. What is taken for granted is the fact that the confidence to get up and face an uncertain world has been conditioned through that love and acceptance. That feeling of love and acceptance is often something that LGBTQ+ people grow up without, and that can make getting up every day and facing an uncertain (and increasingly unfriendly) world feel impossible. The people in our chosen family provide that love and acceptance necessary to get out there in the world and live our lives the way they are meant to be lived: full of love, support, and acceptance.

     For LGBTQ+ folks, coming out is a very emotional, and often very scary process. Chosen family often provides the love and acceptance needed before people are ready to come out to their biological/legal family. This is a crucial period because especially for LGBTQ+ youth, it can be easy to feel lost and isolated, and that connects directly with issues of homelessness, drug addiction, and sex trafficking (46% of homeless LGBT youth report running away from home due to family rejection of their sexual orientation and 17% ended up on the streets after they aged out of the foster care system https://tr.ee/xi1Z8Q). Chosen family helps LGBTQ+ youth feel accepted and gives them the ability to live their true identities before they come out, and helps give them the strength and bravery it takes to come out to their biological family.  Knowing that there is someone out there that will love and accept you even when your own family may not is vital.

     Does having a chosen family mean you have no relationship with your biological family? Of course not. Many LGBTQ+ people who have come out to their families have varying degrees of outness and varying degrees of familial acceptance (maybe you can be fully out around Aunt Lisa, but Grandma has different views, and you have to act accordingly- circumstances like these are far more common than people may think). The chosen family provides that outlet where people can fully be themselves and experience love, support, and community. Many people have great relationships with both their biological and chosen families, and that’s a double win. 

     Chosen family isn’t always obvious. Sometimes people have support networks that we don’t even realize they have. They are often overlooked because they are built over time through shared experiences that often have deep emotional roots. They are unique and evolve organically over time, they require intention and effort, and they are rooted in unconditional love and acceptance. 

     The foundation for chosen family is providing opportunities for people to come together and share experiences with each other, support and accept each other, and spread the message that none of us are alone. The South Coast LGBTQ+ Network takes pride in hosting social events, workshops, providing safe spaces, and helping people across the South Coast to find their chosen family. Whether you’re looking for resources, friendship, advocacy, or simply a reminder that you’re not alone, we are here. Our community is stronger because we choose each other, and that choice is one we’ll keep making, together.

If you need a friend, reach out. You're not alone.

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